millertime87 (millertime87) wrote,

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Please Don't Read This If You Are In A Good Mood, It's Somewhat Depressing

Note: Please read title before continuing on...

Blah, that's how I feel right now. I'm thinking about way too many things at one time and will explode if I don't do something about it...
I don't know who I will talk to about stuff cause I'm not very open to telling people lots of my personal thoughts. Cause I'm weird like that. But the weird thing really is the fact that when I eventually talk to someone about my problems, I feel so much better. Yet the main problem is I don't talk to anyone about stuff. Well not very often anyways.
AHHHH it's all so confusing, and I'm just venting, cause,surprise surprise, I'm not always happy. That's another thing. I feel like I put on a show. Like I have to show people I'm happy, or they might actually think I'm human. What a thought. This might sound vain, but I am not perfect. I have my flaws, my downfalls, my weakpoints. Yes, now that I read that, it does sound a bit self centered, me thinking that people think I'm perfect. See, that just proves my point. I am self-centered (at certain times anyway lol).
Dang, that kind of lifted a sort of weight off my shoulders. And I'm not even talking to anybody. That's crazy.

Hmmm... what else can I put down?
College=scarey & exciting & frightening & full of new people & not wanting to be open to meeting new people but yet wanting to
Yes, it's me thinking about college. How can I not, it's already April. It's a whole new thing, something that was always bound to happen but now is coming into realization. Of course, leaving your confort zone will always be scary. But not knowing what is gonna happen, that can scare the crap out of any sensible person. Plus, the downside of it for me is the fact that I have to throw myself into a sea of strangers. I'm not good with strangers. I have to talk to people? Get to know them? Let them get to know me????? No way!! Can't do it. I don't know how I will survive this. But then again, now that I think about it, my friends and family will always have my back. That's comforting.
That brings me to something else I've been thinking about. Ben... yes that's right, I'm talking about YOU. What can I say. You make me happy. You will never let me be in a bad mood now will you??? JK That sort of thing brings a smile to my face (although sometimes a girl just needs to vent to you right?). Who knows what will happen in the future. But as of right now, what makes me sad is the thought of leaving you. I don't know how I will do it. Even a couples days not being with you gets me depressed lol. Of course there's more to it all then just this, but I'll leave that for a rainy day when we have nothing else to talk about :) But thank you for everything and for everything that's to come (I do still owe you that thing I keep not giving you). I don't want to leave anyone with the thought that everytime I think of Ben, I get sad. Actually it's the complete opposite ;)
Ok I'm done with that sappy stuff... lol

Well I guess I'll have to leave it off with that special little shout-out, cause I'm run dry of stuff to write down at the moment.

P.S. If you bothered to read it all, no need to comment, it's pretty much just for myself, to vent and calm down...
But if you want... lol
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